Lately, look around, I wonder where I might be going? I feel I am entering a phase of self doubt, a deeper look inward, a march towards twilight. Am I doing what I am supposed to do? Am I taking myself too seriously? Many years ago I was a photo editor at The Image Bank. There was a photographer whose work I really enjoyed. He was having a hard time. He was visiting New York and came into the office. We had a long chat and I can remember telling him, “Think about why you got into photography? What is it about photography that you enjoy? Think of what is close to your heart? Finally, remember to have fun.”
I think I need to remember my own words.
Physical maladies plague me lately. By the time this is posted, after years of physical activity – cycling, hiking, running, movement being slowed by arthritis, I am getting a hip replacement. I’ve put it off for over a year. I’ve had surgery before, but never anything so deep, and having a few weeks recovery.
I will not be able to go on my long photo walks for a bit. Maybe it is time to browse through my storage and search for imagery I’ve missed. I always find something there. Something that prompted me to take the image, but in post review, did not speak to me afterwards. There are times I see an image in my archive and trash it. More often than not, I surprise myself and wonder why I never processed it. Given what we do, it is a blessing we can go back and review what and where we where at certain times. We can correct a wrong if need be. We can change our history. It is the closest thing we can do other than physically traveling back in time.
With age we think of our past. We can take our experiences, process them, and move them forward. We can turn sadness to happiness. Even the opposite, but why would we want to do that?
See you soon.
I am in a similar boat. After years of pursuing photography on the side I was finally able to “retire” from my day job and pursue photography full time, starting with a 2-year MFA in photography. Now I am in Arles getting portfolio reviews and, while I don’t doubt my own work and vision I do doubt my work will ever be seen outside my home and certainly not without a gruelling amount of marketing, hustling and social networking, none of which is to my taste. So where do I go from here?
Just keep doing what you do Adam. Be happy that you can pursue your work full time. Keep moving forward. I have another friend in Arles now. She been there before Don’t be dejected. Keep working. Take any opportunity you can.
You are the ultimate street photographer, Keith. I so admire your work. Wishing you good luck and quick healing on your surgery. I will miss you.
Keith, age and health issues certainly bring a time of reflection. That all said, I hope your surgery went well and that your recovery and healing are swift and without challenges. I had hip replacement 16 years ago due to severe osteoarthritis. I was in my early fifties, which is rather young for that type of surgery. I empathize with you, understand what you are facing now. I remember feeling impatient and frustrated as I learned to rely on others to help me during my recovery. You WILL be out and about soon, following your passions, hopefully all without pain and with better mobility. Be well. Rest and rejuvenate.